So if any of you saw this yesterday, there is actually content to it. It is rather ironic that this letter my wife wrote is entitled Loading... and we couldn't get her computer to actually post it. I guess it wasn't done loading. Anyways, here is Ashley's letter she wrote to her family that I believe her Torch family needs to read.
Good Morning Friends and Family,
I hope everyone is doing well. I know that its been a while since I’ve seen most of you but I just wanted to share something with you today. To start off, Chris and I are doing very well. We have finally settled into our apartment and are enjoying married life to its fullest. We can honestly say that this was the best decision we have ever made. We are growing closer to each other and to God everyday :) Chris is still looking for a full job as a pastor, but its seems as though our prayers are being answered because we have a new church every week calling for an interview. We are just waiting on God to put us in the right place. I don’t want to pull the wool over your eyes and say that everything has been peachy keen since the wedding, because it hasn’t, by far. We are learning what it means to be adults. Learning how to responsibly spend the little money that we have, learning how to live with each other, learning each others habits, wants, needs, and desires. Its been difficult but we know that we are growing :) But that’s not why I’ve emailed today. I feel something that God has put on my heart today that I would like to share with you. So here it is...
Part of being Christian is devoting time every day to sitting and “spending time with God” as we like to call it. This can mean anything, whether its reading the bible, listening to music, reading a Christian book or praying. I TRY to do this everyday, but that seems to be one of my struggles. Anyways, I got up this morning, with no real intention to sit and spend time with God. Oprah seemed a lot more interesting this morning, I will admit. But nonetheless, I felt convicted and I felt God tugging at my heart to sit and be quiet. So, I found a book in our house (one of the hundreds my husband brought with him) and this book is entitled “Waiting- Finding hope when God seems silent’”. It's been sitting on my coffee table for about 3 weeks now and I just now decided to crack it open. The title brought some curiosity to mind because this was something that I have been struggling with the past few months. And most Christians can relate when I say that nothing is harder than when your prayers seems to bounce off the ceiling and come right back to you. The times when you need help the most and God seems to be silent. I once wondered if God was on a coffee break at Starbucks, sitting and reading people magazine and forgot that I desperately needed his comfort and guidance. Of course, after some time, I realized that wasn’t true; I knew it wasn’t true. But today, while reading this book, I did realize how hard it is to wait. I once heard a statistic that we spend about 2 years waiting. If you take all the time we wait in line in the drive thru, wait at the doctors office, wait for our morning latte at Starbucks, it adds up to about two years - more for others. Waiting....it's what our American society does more than anything and might I say we are terrible at it. We live in a world where everything is at the tip of our fingertips. We want it and we want it now. That’s how we live our life. How many times do you catch yourself say “I can’t wait for.....” - you fill in the blank. We are the most impatient society in the world. Of course, with the advancements in technology we find that waiting is something of the past. But in those times when you are forced to wait, the times when you can’t do anything about it, how do you react? When you are late for work, and you come to a railroad crossing and just as you are about to cross, the signal starts to flash, the barriers come down and of course a ten minute freight train has just made you that much later, that much more anxious, that much more frustrated because YOU have to wait. How dare that train! Doesn’t it know that YOU have things to do? Doesn’t it know that your time is precious and you can’t be waiting on some else’s time? How often has that happened? How often do you get so angry because YOUR time is being wasted?
Waiting...we all do it...have come to hate it, despise it and go to desperate lengths to avoid it. The anxiety becomes that much more difficult when you are waiting on life....”Waiting in a dead-end career break, waiting in a in unhappy marriage for relief or escape, waiting in a chronic illness for a ray of hope, waiting in solitude for the loneliness to subside, waiting in turmoil for peace to come”... “Sometimes we find our lives placed on hold. Deep questions begin to surface. How long must I wait? Is there any meaning to all this waiting? Can I trust God? We can’t help but wonder what is happening- and why?’”
This is where I am right now. Questioning where God is. Why hasn’t my life been made perfect? Why hasn’t my husband found a job? Why do I still get up a 3:30 in the morning to go to work? God, why haven’t you done anything yet? Why am I still waiting? I thought that waiting was over for me. I had been waiting for months... Waiting to get married, waiting to move out of my parents house, waiting to be intimate until my wedding night, waiting to start a new job, waiting for a new chapter in my life to start. I did my share of waiting, God, and I don’t want to do it any more. That’s where I am at. My new chapter has started but only the first paragraph of it. I, now, I find myself waiting again. Waiting for Chris to find a full time job, waiting to move... again, waiting for the point where I don’t have to work anymore, waiting for God to make a move. And that can be more difficult than waiting for any freight train. Waiting on the God of the Universe to say “Go”. In reading just the first few pages today, I learned that life is not all about what I want and when I get to have it. Amazing, I know! Yes, I have always known this... but when I put God into the mix, it makes a lot more sense to me. God taught me this morning that waiting is hard, yes, but it's in the process of waiting where he does all of his work in us. To quote the book “That at least as important as the things we wait for is the work God wants to do in us while we wait.” “Waiting is not just the thing we have to do until we get what we hope for. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what we hope for”.
God is the master at doing “behind the scenes work”. He is preparing you, growing you, making sure things are perfect before He blesses you. It reminds me of all time I spent working in theatre. You don’t have opening night of a play without first preparing a script, making the costumes, building the set, putting on makeup. If I said that tomorrow, I want to put on a production of “Romeo and Juliet” on Broadway with me as the director, the cast, the set constructor and musicians and have it become a hit overnight, you would think I was nuts. Things take time. It takes preparation. Life isn’t like a microwave dinner.... To quote Tom Hanks “It’s like a box of chocolates.” So, in this time of waiting, which by no doubt sucks, and I still have the mentality that I want things done on my time, when and where I want it, God is teaching me to be content. CONTENT!!!!! Yep, something else Americans know nothing about. Contentment. We have always been told.... "go after what you want, don’t let anything get in your way! Strive for the best and don’t stop until you get it!” Ever said that to someone? Ever thought that? Now let me say, this can apply in some situations, but we have taken this attitude and applied it to EVERYTHING! We don’t know how to be content. Patterson says “God is doing a good work in us as we wait, producing in us things like patience, perseverance, character and hope.” The apostle Paul writes in the book of Timothy: “After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” We have all been there. Patterson says, “Whatever we have, we have because God in His grace and generosity has given it to us. When we realize this, there comes into our lives a joyful gratitude for what we do have and we are freed from resentment and anxiety over what we do not have.” Are you content? Or are you living with the want to always have more? Are you constantly thanking God for what you do have? Or are you always asking God for more and getting mad when he doesn’t deliver right away? Paul tells the Philippians “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Does Christ give you the strength to get through? Or are you relying on your own strength and wisdom? Have you thanked God today? Not just for your house, your car, your paycheck...but for your life...for being alive? For being able to take that breath you just took...and that breath......and that one. It's easy to give thanks when things are going well. But do you give thanks when things aren’t? Are you complaining and asking, "why, God, why?"
Can I challenge you? Give thanks, not just when everything goes well, but when you are in tears because things are not going the way YOU planned. Did you ever think that God has different plans than you do? “With God’s power working in us, He can do much, much more than we can ask or imagine.’’ Maybe God is waiting for you to give up control of your life. He wants to take control, because he loves you so passionately, so deeply, so much more than any human being could, and he wants what is best for you. You just need to LET GO AND LET GOD....as I once saw on a bumper sticker. He wants you to have good things, but not always when YOU want. Give it up, all of it...because he knows better than we do. Ecclesiastes 7 :14 says “When life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, remember: God gives good times and hard times, and no one knows what tomorrow will bring.” Later in 8:16, it says “I tried to understand all that happens on earth. I saw how busy people are, working day and night and hardly ever sleeping. I also saw all that God has done. Nobody can understand what God does here on earth. No matter how hard people try to understand it, they cannot. Even if wise people say they understand, they cannot, no one can really understand.” So you see, God knows that you don’t understand... He wrote it in the Bible. He wants you trust Him. He created the Earth, he knows it better than you. He created you, and he probably knows you better than you know yourself. Trust in that. Trust in Him. You may not understand why things are the way that they are, but stay hopeful, praise Him no matter what circumstance, and TRUST HIM. Jesus said “Trust in God, trust also in Me.” Paul said “Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God’s peace which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” People, keep your eyes towards Christ, your hearts abounding in love, and your minds at rest. There is NOTHING our God cannot do. Be patient, be kind, don’t be jealous and don’t brag. Don’t be rude, don’t be selfish, and don’t get upset with others. Don’t count up wrongs that have been done. Patiently accept ALL things. Always trust, always hope. “These tree things continue forever: Faith, Hope and Love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.’’
If you know someone who needs to hear this, please feel free to forward it.
Love, Peace, and Blessings,
Ashley
