this delicate dance between grace and love

It's been quite a week, hasn't it, Torch?

I've been thinking a lot lately, about this delicate dance between grace and love.

"...all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." (Romans 3:23-24) This is the truth and the gospel - we have all completely screwed up on any number of levels, and worse: we, without Christ, are "by nature objects of wrath" (Ephesians 2:3) - but there is grace and redemption and forgiveness and reconciliation because of Christ's death and resurrection, and this is good news!!

But sometimes I fear that in the name of love we do not speak the truth as clearly as we ought. That in the name of compassion we adopt this "I'm okay and you're okay" philosophy that looks and sounds so nice and kind, but is actually full of hell, because it's a lie. We are not okay, and we have never been okay - it is why Christ came and died for us. There was a price paid for our freedom! And to deny that we have needed that ransom is to deny love...

Hebrews 4:15-16 tells us that "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

He gets it, this God of ours, that temptation to sin comes at us in a zillion different ways, because not only does He see it, but He's been there, on the receiving end. He didn't give in to it, but He knows what it feels like be in those situations, and He knows how to help us in our time of need. We can come to Him in confidence, knowing that we will find mercy and grace. Romans 8:26: "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." His heart is filled with compassion for us, and He receives us as we are.

But He does not leave us that way.

The Bible tells us, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2) This is a process that takes cooperation between the Spirit at work in us (sanctifying us and making us more like Jesus) and we ourselves (choosing to allow Him to do it). It is not always easy, this becoming holy - it requires us to die to ourselves, and we do not always want to do that - and sometimes we want to but we don't want to but we do want to...

I love the way Peterson paraphrases this in the Message: "It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." (Romans 7:21-25)

And that's the thing - He acted to set things right. Because there were things that needed to be set right. And there are things that still do...

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. - 1 John 4:7-9

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God is love - and love rejoices in the truth.

I did a word search on Bible Gateway, looking for that verse about speaking the truth in love, and it turned up a number of verses that taken together make it very clear that there is a deep correlation between truth and love. Not surprising, as the Word tells us both that God is love and that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life... (John 14:6)

Love will always tell you the truth. Paul tells us that "...speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." (Ephesians 4:15)

I want that. I want Truth-speakers in my life who will tell me when I am getting it wrong, so that in all things I will grow up into Christ. And I want to be a Truth-speaker - not because of some self-righteous "I'm right and you're wrong" mentality - but because I love people and because I want to spend eternity with everyone.

The goal is godliness... the heart is love... and love does not lie to you and tell you that something wrong is okay when it isn't. It does not tell you, as you are walking into sin, that it's fine that you're doing it, because that's just where you are right now, and that everything's going to work out, and not to worry about it. It does not tell you that just because your situation is atrocious, that just because something horrible has happened to you, that you are justified in responding to it in an ungodly manner. Love turns and looks straight at that which would destroy it and continues to be love. ("Forgive them, Father, for they do not know what they are doing.")

God is love. He is also the source of life. And love values life - always.

About a week ago we started talking about "the abortion issue" at Torch, as we began praying for the upcoming election, and for God's kingdom to come and His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. It has been a week of hard conversations and fervent prayer, and I have debated saying anything at all... but I cannot be silent. More than 50 million babies have been robbed of their destinies in this nation alone, and it is time for the bloodshed to stop. It is time for the Church to repent of her indifference and to do something about it. Our God can move mountains. He can heal our land.

He can also heal people.

There is grace. There is always, always, always grace. But "what shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" (Romans 6:1-2)

I had the incredible privilege of watching /participating in (via the Internet) a prayer meeting in San Diego, CA last night, led by Lou Engle. At one point in the night, we prayed a prayer together that many involved with Bound4Life have been praying already for months:

"Jesus, I plead Your Blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion, and send revival to America."

It is a simple prayer, and it is heartfelt. And I am so humbled to be allowed into God's throne room, to repent on behalf of my nation, and to plead for the mercy He so freely gives.

Podcasts

Hey, everyone - Torch's messages are now available on ITunes - just search the store for "Torch Podcast" and it'll turn up in the list. They can also be found here.

Life

Hey, my sister asked me to pray for a little girl named Life who's having some health complications. Life is the daughter of a friend of a friend and I've never met her or her parents but she could sure use some prayer. Here is a link to follow her story on.

http://www.aroyalallegiance.blogspot.com/

the final days in fiji

well, exactly one week and two hours from right now, i'll be boarding a plane headed to LAX. that moment i believe is going to be bittersweet for me, probably more bitter. i don't want to leave fiji. this country has changed my life in so many ways, and i know an emotional reaction to a country is all part of the process of missions but there is so much work to do here and the people are so open to God's word. now is the time to act here and i don't want to leave.

through this whole fiji process, God has proven himself faithful over and over. providing the money for the trip, my passport, the people he's brought into my life on this trip, and the way he's orchestrated so many different events. i'm so humbled by this love and faithfulness, and how he can use someone so unworthy and incapable like myself.

i'm praying now that God would keep me from being an emotional mess when i get back to the states. i really don't want to leave, everywhere i go i meet people and they're openly friendly people. just today, i was leading a group on OJT. OJT stands for on the job training. i am given two people to teach how to share the gospel, and then we actually go out and they watch me do it.

today we were dropped off in front of a house, and thought, why not go into the house we were dropped off at. inside were two women, a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. they invited us in happily and we began to sit and talk with them. once the conversation was directed towards God i saw God was presenting an opportunity to share His story with them. i began sharing the gospel with them and would stop and ask them if they had questions after each step. i was heartbroken each time as they would ask questions because they had been raised in different denominational beliefs or no church at all, and both were quite confused.

i shared my testimony and they both seemed moved, then i asked them if they wanted to know for sure that they would spend eternity with Jesus. they did, so we prayed and they accepted Christ. they were crying and i was trying not to, and they said that they would like to know how to share with their husbands who were lost. so before i left i tried to quickly teach them how to share the gospel with their husbands. they were so loving and honest with me it was amazing. i'll never forget them.

my point isn't to say, "hey look at me. look at what i did." my point is that i am nothing and look at what God can do with me, look at what he can do with each one of us. many of you know my story and the sin i came out of years ago, but yet God still wants me. instead of asking why like i used to, now i just let him. i want to encourage you all to do the same. instead of asking why do you want to use me or how can you use me, just let him. the time is now, not tomorrow. this world needs Christ and they're all crying out to him. this isn't just christian-cliche it's real.

God will take you places you never dreamed if you just begin surrendering to him, and give him your life fully. 5 months ago i had no idea and couldn't imagine being in another country, sharing the gospel with other people. but here i am because God wants me, and i can guarantee he wants you. maybe not in fiji or some other country, but where you are. do it.

i pray that you would seek him now and begin to figure out how you can begin to be used by God. i love you and miss you all.

Remember God's Loving Kindness

Hello to all in my Torch Family-

I come to you as your brother, now experiencings God's loving kindness 400 miles away. Let me encourage you: the LORD's loving kindness is all around you, as it is Ash and I here. God is so amazing! He rewards faithful obedience.

As some of you may like to know, things went exceptionally well over the weekend. Our visit to the church assembled in the Cottonwood community was more than we could have ever asked for. We spent many hours laughing, playing ball, and meeting a wonderful community of people who desire to see God move in radical ways. One of the highlights for us was the time we got to share our heart with the students there. God has stirred in us a passion for Him that is driving our hearts as we move forward.

Small town America is a new experience for us as a couple, but it is one that reminds us of our Torch Family. Everyone is very caring, loving, and desires to be in relationship and build community. If God does move us into this community, we may be the new kids in town for some time, but we are far from outsiders. They welcome with open arms, arms that desire to be Jesus on a daily basis.

We praise God for the opportunity to share the weekend up here and look forward to what He has for us in the future. As for now, we sit here, with hearts extended to you. Our love for you is known and springs from God's loving kindness. Continue to seek Him out with radical surrender. Let nothing come between The God of Creation and His beautiful creation, which is you.

We pray that God's loving kindness will continue to foster a community of radical discipleship to the King of Heaven. Continue to make every effort to grow in God's grace. Let not the enemy take even a grain of the ground your Heavenly Father and Commander has given you. Continue to press forward, living off His Word, and take the Hill that He has placed before you. Do not lose heart when the battle is long, but be encouraged by the Spirit as you fall on your knees to seek His presence. Let your brothers and sisters in Christ be your encouragement. The Spirit speaks through each of you so that none of you may be overtaken by the enemy.

Our hearts long to see you again. We look forward to the time we shall celebrate what God is doing in you and in us soon.

Your brother and sister in arms-

Chris and Ashley

New Starbucks = New Lesson Learned

So tonite, on my way to the grocery store, I noticed that the brand-new Starbucks just opened. I figured, what would go better with grocery shopping than a tall vanilla soy steamer? I stop in and place my order. It takes forever to get the drink. Mind you, I’m the only customer in the building and there are 3 people behind the counter with a 4th one on his way. So, I’m getting a little inpatient, saying things in my mind like,

“How long does it take to pump vanilla and steam soy?”
“How bout we train everybody then open the store?”
“Umm, the store will be closed by the time I get this thing…”

Absolutely rude of me, I know. As I was thinking all of that, the Holy Spirit reminded me of what my life looked like and what I was dealing with. New kid on the block at a new job that I’m probably not really qualified for. I basically have a job that requires accounting or finance experience–I have neither. And it’s pretty obvious I’m struggling. I’m way behind the curve and it’s been very discouraging. I’ve been very fortunate as everyone at work has really encouraged me.

So here I am; in the same boat as that poor barista behind the counter. The new guy, just learning the ropes, probably doesn’t have any experience and I have the gaul to be bitter, or angry, or hasty. I never said anything out loud, but the fact that I was thinking in my mind really forced me to evaluate how merciful and graceful I’m being with people around me. Is me being impatient and short-tempered SHOWING & LIVING OUT the love of Christ? Nope. Is my behavior lining up with the behavior of a person TRANSFORMED by grace? Nope. So I just began to think and ask for forgiveness. It’s been hard, but it’s funny that God would use something so close to my life, like a starbucks to teach me about mercy & grace & the love of Christ.

While at the grocery store I thought about the whole starbucks thing and how I was going to really keep striving to live grace & mercy out. I began to ask myself if I am living a life that is pouring out great measures of grace & mercy. I began to ask myself if my leadership was something that exuded grace & mercy. I began to ask myself if my heart was something that just wreaked of grace & mercy. The answer to all those questions was “nope”.

Today while at work I got the chance to share with a co-worker who God is and just quote scripture and see how scripture does such an amazing job at revealing who God really is. Moreso than my life ever will. I mean, it’s God’s word, it defends itself! I love it! But in that time of sharing, it really struck me how I have no place to condemn anyone as I am under the same condemnation without Christ. And even under the Grace of Christ, I too will stand before the throne of judgement…just like all of those who reject grace. It’s powerful.

All in all, I’m realizing that for most of my life I’ve been living in a religion that is Man-Centered and not God-Centered. For what is man? The Psalmist says, “Each man’s life is but a breath.”–Psalm 39:5

Off To Fiji!!

Hey, everyone - for those of you who don't know, Josh and Cat are leaving for Fiji today!!! Please continue to pray for them over the next six and a half week as they travel and follow God's call for their lives this summer.

Josh and Cat will both be updating their blogs weekly, so to find out how they're doing, or to drop them a note, swing by their blogsites when you get a chance. Thanks! Their blogs can be found here:

Josh: A Cup And A Chair Far From Here
Cat: Turn Around

Loading...

So if any of you saw this yesterday, there is actually content to it. It is rather ironic that this letter my wife wrote is entitled Loading... and we couldn't get her computer to actually post it. I guess it wasn't done loading. Anyways, here is Ashley's letter she wrote to her family that I believe her Torch family needs to read.

Good Morning Friends and Family,

I hope everyone is doing well. I know that its been a while since I’ve seen most of you but I just wanted to share something with you today. To start off, Chris and I are doing very well. We have finally settled into our apartment and are enjoying married life to its fullest. We can honestly say that this was the best decision we have ever made. We are growing closer to each other and to God everyday :) Chris is still looking for a full job as a pastor, but its seems as though our prayers are being answered because we have a new church every week calling for an interview. We are just waiting on God to put us in the right place. I don’t want to pull the wool over your eyes and say that everything has been peachy keen since the wedding, because it hasn’t, by far. We are learning what it means to be adults. Learning how to responsibly spend the little money that we have, learning how to live with each other, learning each others habits, wants, needs, and desires. Its been difficult but we know that we are growing :) But that’s not why I’ve emailed today. I feel something that God has put on my heart today that I would like to share with you. So here it is...


Part of being Christian is devoting time every day to sitting and “spending time with God” as we like to call it. This can mean anything, whether its reading the bible, listening to music, reading a Christian book or praying. I TRY to do this everyday, but that seems to be one of my struggles. Anyways, I got up this morning, with no real intention to sit and spend time with God. Oprah seemed a lot more interesting this morning, I will admit. But nonetheless, I felt convicted and I felt God tugging at my heart to sit and be quiet. So, I found a book in our house (one of the hundreds my husband brought with him) and this book is entitled “Waiting- Finding hope when God seems silent’”. It's been sitting on my coffee table for about 3 weeks now and I just now decided to crack it open. The title brought some curiosity to mind because this was something that I have been struggling with the past few months. And most Christians can relate when I say that nothing is harder than when your prayers seems to bounce off the ceiling and come right back to you. The times when you need help the most and God seems to be silent. I once wondered if God was on a coffee break at Starbucks, sitting and reading people magazine and forgot that I desperately needed his comfort and guidance. Of course, after some time, I realized that wasn’t true; I knew it wasn’t true. But today, while reading this book, I did realize how hard it is to wait. I once heard a statistic that we spend about 2 years waiting. If you take all the time we wait in line in the drive thru, wait at the doctors office, wait for our morning latte at Starbucks, it adds up to about two years - more for others. Waiting....it's what our American society does more than anything and might I say we are terrible at it. We live in a world where everything is at the tip of our fingertips. We want it and we want it now. That’s how we live our life. How many times do you catch yourself say “I can’t wait for.....” - you fill in the blank. We are the most impatient society in the world. Of course, with the advancements in technology we find that waiting is something of the past. But in those times when you are forced to wait, the times when you can’t do anything about it, how do you react? When you are late for work, and you come to a railroad crossing and just as you are about to cross, the signal starts to flash, the barriers come down and of course a ten minute freight train has just made you that much later, that much more anxious, that much more frustrated because YOU have to wait. How dare that train! Doesn’t it know that YOU have things to do? Doesn’t it know that your time is precious and you can’t be waiting on some else’s time? How often has that happened? How often do you get so angry because YOUR time is being wasted?


Waiting...we all do it...have come to hate it, despise it and go to desperate lengths to avoid it. The anxiety becomes that much more difficult when you are waiting on life....”Waiting in a dead-end career break, waiting in a in unhappy marriage for relief or escape, waiting in a chronic illness for a ray of hope, waiting in solitude for the loneliness to subside, waiting in turmoil for peace to come”... “Sometimes we find our lives placed on hold. Deep questions begin to surface. How long must I wait? Is there any meaning to all this waiting? Can I trust God? We can’t help but wonder what is happening- and why?’”

This is where I am right now. Questioning where God is. Why hasn’t my life been made perfect? Why hasn’t my husband found a job? Why do I still get up a 3:30 in the morning to go to work? God, why haven’t you done anything yet? Why am I still waiting? I thought that waiting was over for me. I had been waiting for months... Waiting to get married, waiting to move out of my parents house, waiting to be intimate until my wedding night, waiting to start a new job, waiting for a new chapter in my life to start. I did my share of waiting, God, and I don’t want to do it any more. That’s where I am at. My new chapter has started but only the first paragraph of it. I, now, I find myself waiting again. Waiting for Chris to find a full time job, waiting to move... again, waiting for the point where I don’t have to work anymore, waiting for God to make a move. And that can be more difficult than waiting for any freight train. Waiting on the God of the Universe to say “Go”. In reading just the first few pages today, I learned that life is not all about what I want and when I get to have it. Amazing, I know! Yes, I have always known this... but when I put God into the mix, it makes a lot more sense to me. God taught me this morning that waiting is hard, yes, but it's in the process of waiting where he does all of his work in us. To quote the book “That at least as important as the things we wait for is the work God wants to do in us while we wait.” “Waiting is not just the thing we have to do until we get what we hope for. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what we hope for”.

God is the master at doing “behind the scenes work”. He is preparing you, growing you, making sure things are perfect before He blesses you. It reminds me of all time I spent working in theatre. You don’t have opening night of a play without first preparing a script, making the costumes, building the set, putting on makeup. If I said that tomorrow, I want to put on a production of “Romeo and Juliet” on Broadway with me as the director, the cast, the set constructor and musicians and have it become a hit overnight, you would think I was nuts. Things take time. It takes preparation. Life isn’t like a microwave dinner.... To quote Tom Hanks “It’s like a box of chocolates.” So, in this time of waiting, which by no doubt sucks, and I still have the mentality that I want things done on my time, when and where I want it, God is teaching me to be content. CONTENT!!!!! Yep, something else Americans know nothing about. Contentment. We have always been told.... "go after what you want, don’t let anything get in your way! Strive for the best and don’t stop until you get it!” Ever said that to someone? Ever thought that? Now let me say, this can apply in some situations, but we have taken this attitude and applied it to EVERYTHING! We don’t know how to be content. Patterson says “God is doing a good work in us as we wait, producing in us things like patience, perseverance, character and hope.” The apostle Paul writes in the book of Timothy: “After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” We have all been there. Patterson says, “Whatever we have, we have because God in His grace and generosity has given it to us. When we realize this, there comes into our lives a joyful gratitude for what we do have and we are freed from resentment and anxiety over what we do not have.” Are you content? Or are you living with the want to always have more? Are you constantly thanking God for what you do have? Or are you always asking God for more and getting mad when he doesn’t deliver right away? Paul tells the Philippians “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Does Christ give you the strength to get through? Or are you relying on your own strength and wisdom? Have you thanked God today? Not just for your house, your car, your paycheck...but for your life...for being alive? For being able to take that breath you just took...and that breath......and that one. It's easy to give thanks when things are going well. But do you give thanks when things aren’t? Are you complaining and asking, "why, God, why?"

Can I challenge you? Give thanks, not just when everything goes well, but when you are in tears because things are not going the way YOU planned. Did you ever think that God has different plans than you do? “With God’s power working in us, He can do much, much more than we can ask or imagine.’’ Maybe God is waiting for you to give up control of your life. He wants to take control, because he loves you so passionately, so deeply, so much more than any human being could, and he wants what is best for you. You just need to LET GO AND LET GOD....as I once saw on a bumper sticker. He wants you to have good things, but not always when YOU want. Give it up, all of it...because he knows better than we do. Ecclesiastes 7 :14 says “When life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, remember: God gives good times and hard times, and no one knows what tomorrow will bring.” Later in 8:16, it says “I tried to understand all that happens on earth. I saw how busy people are, working day and night and hardly ever sleeping. I also saw all that God has done. Nobody can understand what God does here on earth. No matter how hard people try to understand it, they cannot. Even if wise people say they understand, they cannot, no one can really understand.” So you see, God knows that you don’t understand... He wrote it in the Bible. He wants you trust Him. He created the Earth, he knows it better than you. He created you, and he probably knows you better than you know yourself. Trust in that. Trust in Him. You may not understand why things are the way that they are, but stay hopeful, praise Him no matter what circumstance, and TRUST HIM. Jesus said “Trust in God, trust also in Me.” Paul said “Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God’s peace which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” People, keep your eyes towards Christ, your hearts abounding in love, and your minds at rest. There is NOTHING our God cannot do. Be patient, be kind, don’t be jealous and don’t brag. Don’t be rude, don’t be selfish, and don’t get upset with others. Don’t count up wrongs that have been done. Patiently accept ALL things. Always trust, always hope. “These tree things continue forever: Faith, Hope and Love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.’’

If you know someone who needs to hear this, please feel free to forward it.

Love, Peace, and Blessings,

Ashley

Random Treasures

“Yet even now”, declares the LORD, “Return to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts not your garments.” Return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love ; and he relents over disaster.–Joel 2:12,13

Afterward the Children of Israel will shall return and seek the LORD their God, and David their king, and they shall come in fear to the LORD and to His goodness in the latter days–Hosea 3:5

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places–Habakkuk 3:17-19

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 9

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever." - Psalm 138:8

No matter where I go in life, Your Spirit will guide me.
Every time I find You somewhere in my life.
Always seeking, never finding, never knowing
what I'm hiding.
Your Spirit fills me in places no one else can find.
For my heart is deep with dark places - fill me!

Your Spirit guides me to places I can't see.
Have Your Spirit come back to me.
Feed our stomachs with tacos and our hearts with love.

Take me to that place, where hopes and dreams
bring us closer to You and in the end,
Your purpose will be known.

- Team Taranatron

for the beginning of this series, you can go here
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6 , Part 7 , Part 8

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 8

Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come to You. - Psalm 102:1

Here is my heart, broken and cut.
No other could mend, so I brought it to You.
Lord, hear my prayer,
though it's as silent as the night.
Take me by heart, take me by hand.
Walk with me so I'm not alone.
Mend my poor heart, that I may live.
This is my prayer.

Wake me up from my spiritual sleep,
yet give me rest in Your Name.
Please hear my prayer for this new job.

When I can't see, You still see
the big picture; You push aside everything
to spend time with me.
I'm tired and overwhelmed... there's just
so much to do. But I know that Your power
is much greater than my circumstance.
Lord, melt me and shape me into the tool
that You would have me to be.
Reopen my heart; light a flame of passion inside
that only satisfies and delights in You.

I don't know what to do;
I don't know what to say;
and I don't know how to wait patiently.
Teach me to trust You,
and to truly know Your voice.
You redeem all of my mistakes
and make them beautiful
when I entrust them to You.


for the beginning of this series, you can go here
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6 , Part 7

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 7

(in times of failure)

May the intensity of my longing for You be pleasing
even when we feel we don't deserve it.
The Lord sees and judges the heart, is pleased
with a heart of obedience.
When I'm feeling so low, God is even then with me.
Hold my eyes up to Your light.
Please hear my prayer for this new job.
May I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
What others see as nothing You find in me something great.
even when it wasn't perfect.

- The 3 Musketeers


for the beginning of this series, you can go here
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 6

I woke up today feeling that life was gray.
You are faithful despite my unfaithfulness, doubt, and confusion.
In my head, I know You are here. Sometimes my heart is not as sure -
sorry for my instability...

Your love is amazing, constant, never-changing and beautiful.
Thank You!
God of light, I want to see You through my heavy eye-lids.
Thank You for making that possible.
Even when I'm a moron, You still prove faithful!
(How do You do that?)
Let Your overflowing love pour over to others more deeply.

God, give me strength that I don't have.
Help me keep my focus on You.
Pray for me, Lord.

- God's Grace

for the beginning of this series, you can go here
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 5

My heart cries out for wisdom.
I seek You and still find no joy.
Where is the path You want me to take?
Thanks for the "treasures" You have brought this week.

My body cries out for Your strength
for I am weak without Your mighty power.
Words can't describe how I feel towards You.
Your grace is enough!

Lord, if You could just speak a little louder, please...
God, I need You. I cry out for Your touch, Your love,
Your wings to come and keep me from harm.

Like a chicken with its head cut off, I run around
seeking satisfaction and fulfillment. I need You
to grab my face and show me the satisfaction I may find in You.

Why do I even bother breathing
if I don't breathe in You?
Life is death if You're not living in me.

Ps. 70:4 - "May all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You."

- The T-Birds


for the beginning of this series, you can go here
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 4

"O Lord, You have searched me, and You know me." - Psalm 139:1

You Rocketh.

I can't hide from You, even when I try.
Take the anxieties from every corner of my heart
and hold me to You
so that I cannot avoid my responsibilities.

Ask me. Tell me.
I am here for You.

Lord, set my soul on fire; You are my one desire.
Let my tears fall in Your hands; let my trust be kept in You.

- B to the K2G2

for the beginning of this series, you can go here
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 3

By seeking Him wholeheartedly, we shall find peace.
How almighty is our God; how awesome His power is.
By trusting in Him, we can live this life for Him
without limitations.

Thank You, God, for my great friends
and thanks for always being there for me.
I don't really know where I'm supposed to belong.
Thank You for loving me no matter how many times I mess up.

Your grace is sufficient for me.
Your love is everlasting.
You are holy.
I give You praise, for You are good.

- The Shout Outs

for this series intro, you can go here.
Part 1, Part 2

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 2

Turn my frown upside-down.
Please heal my wounds and end my suffering.
Lord, in You I find my rest.

Help! I need somebody, not just anybody...
to quiet my eager heart and to put a skip in my step.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Jesus
will always heal them.

Keep me safe, guide me home
and fill me with Your love.
Fill me with Your love and peace,
a kind which I have rarely known.

- The Freedom Writers

Series Intro
Part 1

The Cry of Our Hearts - Part 1

Ok, Lord, seven of us lookin' up at You.
are we ready for Your return?
I want to shout but my voice is muffled by the branches.
Autumn trees blossom green.
Find rest, o my soul, find rest in God alone.

How long do we wait to listen for Your voice?
Even though You are here with us every day,
why do I always feel alone?
How long until we realize that You are the One True God?
Reliance on God relieves anxiety.
I need You, Jesus.

The beauty that You have created is amazing, thank You!
You are truly amazing.
You know the number of stars and the hairs on my head.
You are amazing.
So I shout up to the heavens, "I need Your help!
I need a rescuer."

- By The Doors

For the beginning of this series, you can go here.
For the next post in this series, go here.

The Cry of Our Hearts - Introduction

This past week at Torch, we did something a little... well, I guess you could cliche-icly call it "out of the box." (wow, it's kind of ironic that the phrase "out of the box" could be called cliche...) :)

We brought our worship to the Lord without music. I have to say, I was a little worried about how that would go. As our friendly neighborhood worship director, I know that it's important to make sure we know the reality that music and singing are NOT the only form of worship we can bring to the Lord, and that it's good for us to experience that corporately from time to time - but I was still a little nervous.

Silly me.

You guys took a risk and brought your hearts to the Lord in a really honest way, and I know it blessed His heart - and, in that crazy cool way that worship often works, we got blessed in the process of offering our worship to Him.

Nights like that are worth a standing stone, even if it's only a virtual one. :) So here's ours: a series of posts on Chasing Jesus, offering the cry of our hearts to His. Every line of these psalms, with the exception of anything straight from God's Word, was written by one of you. Let's continue to pray them together, amen?


for the next post in this series, you can go here

Confessions of a Modern Day Pharisee

Deuteronomy 4:32-40

Ask now about the former days, long before your time, from the day God created man on the earth; ask from one end of the heavens to the other. Has anything so great as this ever happened, or has anything like it ever been heard of? Has any other people heard the voice of God speaking out of fire, as you have, and lived? Has any god ever tried to take for himself one nation out of another nation, by testings, by miraculous signs and wonders, by war, by a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, or by great and awesome deeds, like all the things the LORD your God did for you in Egypt before your very eyes?

You were shown these things so that you might know that the LORD is God; besides him there is no other. From heaven he made you hear his voice to discipline you. On earth he showed you his great fire, and you heard his words from out of the fire. Because he loved your forefathers and chose their descendants after them, he brought you out of Egypt by his Presence and his great strength, to drive out before you nations greater and stronger than you and to bring you into their land to give it to you for your inheritance, as it is today.

Acknowledge and take to heart this day that the LORD is God in heaven above and on the earth below. There is no other. Keep his decrees and commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the LORD your God gives you for all time.

I wanted to confess that I often forget this.

After the Fact

Easter isn't something I used to ever give much thought to. Growing up it always meant candy, dyeing eggs and usually a dinner with some sort of ham meal with extended family. Since I rededicated my life to Christ a couple years ago, the cross and resurrection mean Easter to me.

From Mark 8:31

"He then began to teach them that the son of man must suffer many things and be rejected by elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed, and after three days rise again."

There's a song that helped change my whole perspective and thought process towards the cross and what was happening there called The Fatal Wound, by Switchfoot. I hate referencing songs for anything but the message in this song is very challenging. Read the lyrics:

I am the crisis, I am the bitter end
I'm gonna gun this down
I am divided, I am the razor's edge
There is no easing out

Son of sorrow, staring down forever
With an aching view
Disenchanted, let's go down together
with the fatal wound

This is the real thing, no rubber bullets now
This is the final bow
My breath avoids me, my chest is in my hands
My stomach's upside down, down.

Son of sorrow, staring down forever
With an aching view
Disenchanted, let's go down together
with the fatal wound.

a>


Now read Psalm 22:1, 11-19 and pick-up the prophecy being spoken in David's words.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Do not be far from me for trouble is near and there is no one to help. I am poured out like water and all my bones are out of joint. Hy heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me. My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and feet. I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing. But you, O Lord, be not far off; O my strength, come quickly to help me.

When Jesus was dying on the cross he asked those same words, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me." I often wonder if Jesus was remembering the cries of David from the Psalms whenever I read that passage. Reading these words puts the death of Christ into a greater picture, a more real picture for me. This was more than some old story we rehash once a year or if we go to church consistently hear over and over again. This was real. This happened so that you and I could experience freedom from sin and it's eternal consequences.

I know that Easter is gone and a couple of days old at this point, but it still doesn't change the fact that Christ suffered for more than a holiday, for more than a once a year celebration. He suffered for every moment of our lives here on Earth. For that, we owe him every moment, and I want my life to be wrapped around that.

Relationships

I heard a two-part podcast today that I think could be incredibly helpful to any number of us - check it out here and here. It's by Alistair Begg, one of my favorite teachers, and part of a series he's been doing on marriage and relationships. It'll take about an hour to hear the whole thing - but it'll be worth it.

Enjoy. :)

Valentine's day

Last year something was read before we worshiped through song on Valentines Day. I'd like to reproduce that here since it is Valentine's Day yet again. Here it is:

Today, as you all know, is Valentines day. Whether you like it or not, enjoy the holiday, hate the holiday or are indifferent to the holiday, you have thought about romance this week. It has been everywhere, on billboards, in ads on television, radio and the newspaper, and people are talking about it. For each of us, our hearts are in different places. Some have recently been broken, and this holiday is reminding us of what could have been and is met with tears. Others' hearts are cold, possibly jaded from some previous hurt. For some, our hearts may have just received that spark, kindling feelings that were not there before or bringing feelings that had been smoldering to life. For some of us, our hearts are burning brightly with a passion for another which is returned. And still some of us may be feeling unrequited love, our hearts going out to someone who doesn't even know we exist. For many of us, our hearts have been in different places as the years have gone by on valentines day. Life is fluid -- the days go by and our passions change. What might be so important to us today may mean nothing to us tomorrow. Yet there is one thing that has never changed since the beginning of time, and that's God love for us. He gave each of us the ultimate Valentine's Day gift when He sent His only son to die on our behalf. On your behalf. He knew you before you were knitted in your mother's womb, and because He wanted to spend eternity with you, He sent His one and only son to die on the cross. All He asks is that we return that love.

So in just a minute we're going to be worshiping Him through song. Tonight, let's bring Him more than a song. Love makes us all into fools. Who here hasn't done something in the name of love that, looking back, was extremely foolish in the eyes of the world? Yet, we didn't care, we had eyes only for that individual we were being a fool for. As David said, after having marched back into Jerusalem before the Ark of God, after having stripped his robe and danced as a fool for those watching, but with a glorious love for God, " I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." So tonight, as we serenade God, remember those words of David, and remember that, no matter where our hearts are tonight, God's love for us burns bright. Don't let His love be unrequited. Give yourself over to Him. Have eyes only for Him. Love makes us fools, and we don't care. Tonight, as you sing and dance, have eyes only for the one you love, who loved you first, before you were ever born. Let these songs, no, let your heart be your valentine to God tonight.

The Good Shepherd

"Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Revelation 7:16-17



(the Lamb at the center of the throne)

"The I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders."

Revelation 5:6a



I'm reading through Revelation right now (if you weren't picking that up) and it's rocking my world!

To be honest those "springs of living water" are sounding very nice right now. Erica (wife) and I are now both jobless. I lost my job in July and in response to God's consistent prodings Erica quit her job two weeks ago tommorow. Unfortunately, or at least uncomfortably for us, the prodings came in as a "don't stay here anymore" rather than a "go specifically to this place." Neither of us have any real leads on where to go next for work. And honestly the prospect of paying all the same bills with no income starts to feel a little overwhelming. The "sun" and "scorching heat" feel to be "beating upon" us in this season.

Honestly even the "hunger" and "thirst" from this passage speak to my heart too. He's teaching me to be hungry, to need Him. I see moments where I'm really hungering after Him and seeking Him but then, between those moments, I get distracted by every other thing I can fill my stomach with, spoiling my appetite. I want to want more of Jesus, I know I need more of Him. So I've been asking for a hunger for Him in my life. And He's been turning that up!

So, this passage from Revelation really spoke to me. The promise that our shepherd will lead us into a place where we don't hunger or thirst for anything, we'll have all of Him to fill all of our needs! And where the sun and the things of this life will pass away and not beat down on us anymore.
I'm also celebrating the blessing that it is to share in His suffering for now. I found it really interesting that "the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd." The dependency we're commanded to have on Christ as we lean on Him in our suffering is the dependency He had as He leaned on the Father's grace in His suffering. And through depending on Him in our suffering, we get to know His heart and His voice more closely. "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me- just as the Father knows me and I know the Father- and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:14-15
~also~
"When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do now recognize a stranger's voice." John 10:4-5

So, we still don't have any answers or leads for jobs, but we'll keep seeking God's voice in the trial.

Worship and Water

I love the musical worship we have at Torch. If you have ever been there, you have likely witnessed me in the back with my bass going positively nuts. But God has laid on my heart a challenge to the way that we approach worship.

Worship ≠ Music

Two things happen during musical worship; there is an emotional reaction to the music and a physical/audible expression of that emotional reaction. This is only an appropriate response when first a spiritual and cognitive surrender to God is present. It is possible to have an emotional reaction without this but this isn’t worship. You might feel really good in the middle of it, but without surrender, if I can be so bold, this is the opposite of worship; comparable to the Pharisees praying obnoxiously on the streets so that people would notice them.

Worship = The act and attitude of wholeheartedly giving oneself to God.

Let that sink in a little bit. This means that anytime you are in a place, situation, or atmosphere that facilitates worship with God and you are not giving yourself to Him, then you’re not worshiping. It doesn’t matter how many times you sing along to a “worship set” sit through a sermon or sign a tithe check because none of that is worship until you’ve given your heart to God.

In Psalm 51 David points out that burnt offerings and sacrifices aren’t what God is looking but rather a broken and contrite heart.

This definition of worship also means that anytime you give yourself to God, you’re worshiping no matter your location, circumstance or environment. And this is what we are being challenged to do.

In John chapter 4 Jesus talks about being thirsty for God, with a heart that worships in spirit and in truth. Church (Torch) should never ever be the only time that you consider yourself worshiping.

Worship is like water. You need to worship the same way you need to drink water.

Let me explain. God doesn’t have some psychological complex of needing to be patted on the back. It doesn’t lower His self-esteem when you don’t worship Him. You don’t have anything to offer God that he doesn’t already have. He doesn’t “NEED” you to worship Him.

He wants you to have a heart condition of a need to worship Him. You’re the one who needs to need to worship Him. Without a thirst for Him, without a hunger for His presence, you’re going to spiritually die.

Dehydration1 is the greatest enemy to any athlete. I don’t consider myself an athlete by any standard, but it’s a good analogy so go with me on it. 50-60% of your body weight is water. Think about that, divide your weight by half and that is how much of you is made of water. Without water you wouldn’t be alive. You know you can go several days without food but only a few without water.

Dehydration1 becomes fatal after only 15% of water loss and you start to feel the effects of it after only 2%. At that point athletes have a 30% decrease in performance. That severe of a detriment looses races, I’m not talking second or third place either. I mean looses.

God prepared me for this message by pointing out a two day period when I hadn’t had any water. I seriously sat down and could not remember a single drink in something like a 48 hour period. That was stupid. I contracted a serious migraine and drinking water right away didn’t help.

In the same way when you aren’t worshiping God, even the slightest bit your spiritual health takes a major hit. Keep in mind our definition of worship.

Worship = The act and attitude of wholeheartedly giving oneself to God.

So whenever you are not wholeheartedly giving yourself to God, your spiritual health is in trouble.

All of that to say: when are you not living for God? At what point in your week are you more concerned with what’s going on or how you feel than about giving your life to God? Because it’s those things that are gonna kill you. Little by little you are spiritually dehydrating yourself.

When my little sister was four, she had a serious infection in her bladder. She was on medication and underwent lots of treatment but the doctor's primary prescription was “Drink Water”. She hated it! My mother in her loving way tried everything. Ice cold/ or luke warm/ with a straw; she even bought tons of flavored water. But my sister fought it the whole time. Such a simple thing was her cure and she fought it so hard she could have died. This particular infection was prone to spread to the blood stream and had it remained in her system for much longer the issue would have been much more severe. Now, she has been recovered for several years but still to this day has a hard time just enjoying a glass of water.

Sometimes we treat worship the same way. But you need to worship God. If your life isn’t about God then it’s not worth living.

Wherever you are in class/at work/at home, God wants you to be taking little sips all day long. Have the attitude and follow through the act of giving your every moment to God.

Isaiah 55:1-3
Psalm 42:1-2


In Christ,
Mickey

This Is Our God

On and off for the past couple of weeks, I've had that old Chris Tomlin song floating around in my head, This Is Our God. One of the things I really like about that song is that it falls under the category of songs that Paul describes this way in Ephesians 5:19-20:

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

or this way in Colossians 3:16:

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

People have been singing songs since - well, forever, probably. While musical styles vary from culture to culture, there's not a music-less people anywhere in the world. Creation itself is singing God's praise, and we (as a part of God's creation) can't help it either. Oh, sure, we use music for other forms of expression as well, but it's always been a part of church culture since the church began.

Why is that? I think there's a lot of reasons, but I think one reason is that a melody can help you remember things better than you can without it. Musical intelligence, they call it. :) (I like that, but I'm biased.) :) So singing a song about God on a Sunday (or a Monday!) can help you remember the truth about who God is as the melody runs through your head later in the week. Knowing the same songs as people around you helps you remember that truth in community. That's a big piece of it, too, I think. And in some ways, songs can also help us remember other things by association - I mean, think about it - "that song" comes on the radio, and how quickly do we drift down memory lane?

Last night as I thought about the healing that God has done in my own life, and how much of it, in some ways, there still is to do - I remembered the words of a song that spoke great truth into my life at a time when I really needed to hear it. The song is called "Before You Call" and you can find the lyrics here. The words come from Isaiah 40:11 and 65:24:

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.

While they are still speaking.... I love that. Even before we cry out to God, He is already listening, and He hears all of it, even before we're done explaining... We worship a God who knows us. This is no small thing.

Worship. Declaring the "worth-ship" of God. Getting our eyes off ourselves and remembering who God is, both in and of Himself, and in our lives. That's what I love most about that Chris Tomlin song... it reminds me of who God is to me, to our community, to the world - it reminds me of how big a God I serve, and how worthy He is of my love and adoration. And it reminds me to go to Him, because He is who He says He is:

a refuge for the poor and a shelter from the storm - Isaiah 25:4
a father to the orphan and a healer to the broken - Psalm 68:5, Malachi 4:2
a fountain for the thirsty and a lover for the lonely - Zechariah 13:1, Isaiah 55:1, Psalm 68:6, John 3:16

and He is oh, so much more...

I was reading a couple of weeks ago in Isaiah, and these words jumped out at me:

Was my arm too short to ransom you? Do I lack the strength to rescue you? - Isaiah 50:2

The answer to that, of course, is no. He is God. Of course He can ransom us and rescue us. In fact, He has, is, and will. So let us trust in the name of the Lord, and rely on our God (Isaiah 50:10) - for as we sang together last night: He is more than enough.

i live this for

i am a thief and a liar. i have taken what was not given to me and claimed it as mine. i live this for self. i act as though all i know is striving for self gain. i follow what leads to nothing and ignore the effect of what is ahead. i find myself clinging to everything for momentary reprieve. when endless relief is right in front of me. the warmness of a light on a cold night directly in front of me, i merely glance at. tonight i have found the cold emptyness because i have lived this for self.

the lies my words make match the ones i hear and believe. these things that fulfill temporarily without fully filling. i neglect what is shattering the silence saying to me, "help is here, follow and believe." yet i still turn to what is empty and leading me to nothing. i walk the road with an end when an endless way is in front of me. i find only what i wish to find. i envision only what i hope to see. when the reality of what could be is much greater. i forget the unending hope that's always abided. the love chasing me that has always befriended me, seeking me. for this love only can provide. this love only satisfies.

from the mouth of this love come words of truth. my path finds light with this love only. my heart finds pleasure with this love only. my soul finds rest with this love only. my life finds purpose with this love only. no longer will i live this for self. no longer will i follow what is momentary. for this life is fleeting in itself. now my heart will seek the love and my soul will yearn for the truth, that only this love brings. no longer i live this for self, rather this love.